"Momma's" thoughts

Tuesday Already!
It is hard to believe that so many days have gone by since we said goodbye to our sweet girl  and got to come home to our beautiful kiddos and get those much needed hugs (by all!!).  It has been a bit of a whirlwind! We landed on Saturday 3 pm (after 22 hours of travel- 3 flights and much waiting!!) and the next morning had to say goodbye to Emily as she headed to Milwaukee on a mission trip with a team of youth from our church. Justin came home Sunday from a fun time at a friends cabin and then a few short hours later we took him to gun safety camp at Eagle Bluff (he gets home tonight- hooray!!).  I am ready to have everyone under the same roof soon!  Since we returned it's been laundry, dishes, soaking up moments with my kiddos, real world stuff, and a time of rest and reflection for me (and Praising the Lord for the amazingly good and challenging and fun and emotional trip to Ghana, the beautiful place we live, the amazing support we have, the clean water and air conditioning ;0), and my happy place- my home and family- oh and my tub :0)!).  

 I apologize for being so silent on the trip and letting Jay do all the talking. (Although it was a treat for me to hear his thoughts, and of course I put my two cents in too). Most days I was like that first time mom- I  napped when Joy napped- and soon after she fell asleep I too could not seem to keep my eyes open.  I will save some thoughts for another time but I wanted to give you a peek into a few moments.

 I am often asked- "What was it like to meet her, to see her for the first time?"- A tumble of thoughts and emotions:   It was amazing, exciting, frightening, public (in the middle of a hotel lobby- I felt on display), wonderful- this is really our Joy!!!, in person!!!- drinking in every feature and expression, thinking- I have waited so long for this moment and prayed so fervently for it!, surreal- this does not feel real at all!, in awe- she is so beautiful and sweet!! careful- not wanting to move too fast- giving her time to adjust to 2 new faces that she has never seen, nor has any idea who we are or who we will be (her parents!), respectful- of the people who brought her and care for her in our absence, protective- wanting her to come out of the public eye and recognizing her fear, happy and thrilled- in awe that I get to spend a whole week with her - learning about the person my 6th child is! Frightened that she would NOT bond with us and it would be a disaster of a week.  Struck by the honor and privilege it is to be called to be her mom- someday. Important- I will remember that moment for the rest of my life!!  

Finally!  We got the call to come meet our Joy!

gifts for Joy.

Daddy- are you ready?

Mommy- are you ready?

Finally!  In my arms!!!

                                                       

How is that for a window in to my mind :0).  It really is so hard to translate all that is thought and felt in that snapshot of a moment- and all that I continued to think and feel over the week that followed.  These are a portion. (Exhausting huh?)

Then the time of real bonding came - slowly at first- stronger each day- through playing and comforting and talking, laughing, parenting and caring for this amazing little girl- and I am so thankful for that amazingly great but exhausting, tough week.

OK- more snippets to come. You all probably need a nap after that emotional roller coaster (welcome to my recent life ;0) ).   For now, I am off to more piles of laundry and catch up.   Thanks for continuing to pray for us and for supporting us through this adventure. We cannot express what it means to us!!

Leaving Ghana (for now)....

An earlier post today than usual because we need to check out of our hotel at 2pm and then figure out how to kill some time until our 10pm flight.

Our news about court today wasn't what we hoped but neither of us were suprised.  The judge didn't show up today so no cases were heard.  Our POA said he would let us know when he is able to get the case rescheduled.  We know this is in the Lord's hands and at least now we won't be living on the edge having to quickly book flights and hightail it to Ghana.  Since we have been here, spent (great) time with Joy and made an appearance at the U.S. embassy this morning we can leave the next steps for our POA (please pray for him as we do as well).

We are eager to see our children at home but certainly are leaving part of our hearts behind in Ghana, the parts named Joy (capital J, not lower case j).

We can't fully express our gratitude to all those who helped keep things running smoothly while we were away and for all of those joining in us in a chorus of prayers pleasing to The Lord.

Blessings to you all,
-Jay and Becky

Judges hours.....

I think I need a new profession..... If I didn't love my job so much I would strongly consider moving to Ghana to become a judge - the hours seem great.   I guess I am just being cheeky as a defense mechanism because of our disappointment as to how the morning at court went.

We arrived at the time we were told to be there (8am) but some other folks were not there yet, including the judge.   We waited around and then the judge showed up a little before 9am but still the lawyer and director for social welfare had not arrived.

This led to approximately 3 hours of waiting in a warm car attempting to keep a 3 year old occupied followed by another approximately 1 hour waiting inside trying to keep an unhappy 3 year old distracted and occupied.   We were then told that the judge had gone home and so our case would not be heard today.  We are not sure when he left or why he left just that he left.

I am sorry that this sounds like straight up complaining.   I was given some very good advice before coming by another family that adopted from Ghana, "Remember to be patient, it is their country and their rules."  I have been trying to remind myself of this repeatedly but both Becky and I can't help feeling disappointed.   We now know that we won't be able to be present for the actual court date because we are heading home tomorrow.  There is still a chance that the judge will rule on our case on Friday morning (our adoption power of attorney will be there to represent us) so we will be praying that we get a call from him tomorrow with good news (please pray with us).

Joy has now gone back to be with her foster family.   It was sad handing her over to our adoption worker and she got a lot of kisses from Daddy (that's me in case you were wondering) and Momma (Becky) before we would let her go.   We know that she'll be happy tonight but we will miss her none-the-less.

After a 3 hour, mostly silent, car ride back to the capital city we are checked into our hotel for one more night in Ghana.  We will be heading to the U.S. embassy tomorrow morning to let them know we were here and that our power of attorney will be bringing all our documents when they are ready.

Please pray for success at court, a good meeting with the embassy, and safe travel home.  Also, please join us in our continual prayers for our dear, sweet, little (skinny) Joy until we can be together again and hopefully introduce her face to face to so many of you.

God is in charge and we trust in His loving plans for our lives!

With gratitude,
-Jay and Becky (and Joy in absentia)

The night before court....

Well, it's hard to believe it is finally here.   Tomorrow morning is our court date after waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and jumping on a airplane to get here to wait some more.   Now that it is upon us we are doing our best to rest on the fact that The Lord has everything under control.

I met with our power of attorney late this evening (late because he functions on Ghana time for sure and estimates of when he will arrive should be taken with a wide grain of salt - but we are appreciative of all his work).   I got a few more questions answered but I think he thinks I ask too many questions....

Joy had a good morning but after a longer than usual afternoon nap she woke up pretty upset and wanted us to "buy a car" to "go see her mommy."  Becky calmly and repeatedly assured her that we wouldn't be able to do that.   Some food, FaceTime with big-sister-to-be Emily, and some music/singing with Daddy seemed to help turn things around and she went down peacefully for bed and is now sound asleep.

Becky and I are pretty much packed and ready because we will be up early in the morning to get ready for court (I brought a suit and she'll be wearing a dress), grab some breakfast, check out of the hotel and then off we go.   We are supposed to meet up at the courthouse at 8 am so if any of you have insomnia and are up at 3am central standard time that would be a great time to be praying.

A few specific prayer requests:
1. Please - everyone show up who is supposed to and have the necessary documents (we've got ours)
2. Good night rest for us all and a happy Joy in the morning rather than the sad Joy we were trying to console this afternoon.
3. Judge to see us early rather than having to wait around until afternoon as we think this would be easier for Joy (and us too of course)
4. FULL ADOPTION RULING (that's the big one in case you were wondering)
5. A good parting with our dear, sweet little girl - we know we will miss her so much!

Thanks for taking the time to read this and more importantly to pray.   We are praying that tomorrow's update will be full of great reports and many praises (we will be praising The Lord no matter what happens but human nature is that we'd like to be able to choose a few specific things to thank Him for).

We've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in our hearts....(we have been singing that one with her a lot this week).

Love,
-Jay, Becky, and Joy

Ever closer....

It is now hard to fathom that we have had our little Joy staying with us for 5 full days and that tomorrow will be our last full day together until we return to take her home to Minnesota.  As we get ever closer to our court date and our return home we continue to grow ever closer to our skinny little bundle of joy.

Today was another very good day.   There was very little sadness (as long as we keep her fed) and we were even able to go and tour the Elmina Castle together and sit with another nice couple at dinner tonight and Joy was all smiles and chatty (she warmed up quickly).   We also enjoyed some nice Face Time with kids and Grandma Hess back at home.   They all seem to be doing well and Joy really seemed to enjoy seeing and interacting with her future siblings (although I don't think she comprehends that aspect yet).

She is now settling in next to Becky to go to sleep and there was no protesting and very little bargaining for more things to eat or drink.  Becky has become a pro at reading her moods and redirecting her when needed (this will come in very handy later on).

We are staring to get sad about the prospect of leaving her -- which is a major leap forward because a few days back we were worried that we would have to call in some type of reinforcements just to make it though the week (your prayers were our reinforcements!). As we've said before, we know this is all part of the process but we think the waiting will become even more difficult leaving her behind because we would dearly love to have some of the fondness we believe she's developed for us linger in her big heart and not be forgotten as quickly as it developed.

Tomorrow we meet with our power of attorney again in preparation for court Thursday morning.  He makes it sound like it will all go smoothly and we pray he is right.

Blessings to all of you and thanks for journeying on with us.

-Jay, Becky, and Joy

Cowbell, banannas, white rice, and Joy.....

It takes time to really get to know someone but over these few days with Joy (4 nights and 4 days so far) we have come to learn many things about Joy and have, as a result, experienced much joy.

She is shy at first, slow to warm to new people and experiences, but behind the closed door of our hotel room she is full of songs, and dances, and spunk.

Her slender frame belies her large (seemingly endless) appetite.   We aren't sure if she's making up for lost time but as our good friend LeeAnn said when we told her how skinny she is, "Nothing a little Flappdoodles (ice cream) can't fix!"  Her favorite foods so far are banannas, white rice, chicken, and "cow bell" - this is the powdered milk creamer packets that we had in our room at the other hotel - seems that many children like to eat it as a dry powder and Joy is no exception.  She also likes to drink Milo which is a chocolate powder that you mix up like Nestlé Qwik or Ovaltine -- she calls it "tea" and likes it warm (especially first thing in the morning).  I hope Walmart sells this stuff!

Each day seems to be getting better.   There were very few references about going to her "Mommy" today and bedtime was a breeze.   Okay, I admit it, we resorted to a little Netflix therapy pre-bedtime (hey, she's over 3 so less than two hours of recreational screen time are okay according to the American Academy of Pediatrics and she is way below that!).  We have a good wifi connection here (a huge praise because this allows for FaceTime chats with our kids back at home) and I discovered that I can make our Netflix account work if I trick it by running it through my Mayo VPN account (so it thinks my iPad is in the U.S. rather than Africa).

After an approximately 3 hour ride (which got off to a bit of a rocky start when our driver almost got  "arrested" for not properly abiding by a traffic light but thankfully the police officer let us proceed on) we are now in Cape Coast (or more technically our hotel is in Elmina which is a little further up the coast) -- Google maps will show you if you are interested.  You can actually zoom in close and see the Elmina castle which has a very sad history from the slave trade.  It is a place that one must visit but the experience will leave you forever changed.   I want Becky to see it but we will have to decide if its a good idea to take Joy there or not.  We are now right by the ocean and I can hear waves breaking as I write this.  For having lived so close to the ocean Joy must not have had any significant exposure because she was frightedened of it but was willing to let Becky carry her along the sand a safe distance back from the waves and even got down briefly to pick up a few sea shells.

As the day of court draws closer we both continually praying that everything comes together as needed for a successful ruling.   We are so very thankful that you have been covering us in prayer - we can definitely feel it and it makes all the diffence.  Praise God for friends and family like you.

Back home we cherish the time after all the kids are in bed and its no different here except that once Joy is asleep we are pretty much ready to call it a night as well (even if if is before 9 pm). I am blaming the fact that we are much closer to the equator and thus it gets dark earlier than summer in Minnesota.  Becky attributes this to entertaining a 3 year old all day -- I suspect she's right.

With love,
-Jay, Becky, and Joy

Short and sweet.....

A big thanks today for all the prayers - we could really feel them and we truly believe they were the reason that today seemed to go much better with Joy.  She is, as the post title refers to, short (hey, she is only 3) and sweet (we got to see a lot more of that today, especially her somewhat mischievous little grin when she knows she has done something funny).  She had almost no crying episodes for foster Mom today and also did well on a trip to the Accra mall (yes, it looks like malls everywhere look - go figure!).  We also got to experience some of the testing that three year olds do when they (hopefully) feel secure so Becky had to lay down he law a little bit tonight just before bed (in an appropriate loving soon to be adoptive parent way).  This felt like a good day!

She has become Becky's shadow and rarely is more than a few feet away.  We are contstantly amazed at her vocabulary and she even said to Becky tonight at dinner (soon after being asked to stop jumping on the bench for the umpteenth time) "I really like to call you Momma" (insert sentimental ahhhs.....).

We were packing up most of our things today because tomorrow we will leave for Cape Coast (around a three hour drive) as this is where court will be held on Thursday.  We pray that the drive and transition to a new hotel goes well for us all.  The Golden Tulip hotel has become like home now after a week and when we return here on Thursday afternoon we know we will be missing our little Joy (as she will have to go back to her foster home at that time) but we hope to be sharing with all of you a very successful outcome from court (please pray specifically for everyone to show up who is supposed to be there and that the judge grants a full adoption).

As always, we thank you for joining with us on this amazing journey.

-Jay and Becky

Away game.....

In sports they always talk about home court (or field) advantage.  Becky and I are feeling like we are on a long stretch of away games....

Another full day with our little Joy and there were an increased number of her requests to "Go to see Mommy."  The meltdowns were less and less intense but her sadness seems to grow.   This is hard for me (Jay) to see but it seems particularly difficult for Becky.  She and Joy have clearly been bonding (a major praise) but the downside is that she is less and less willing to let me comfort her when she longs for her foster mother and thus the burden falls squarely on Becky's shoulders.

We are getting a sense of what it will be like when we bring her home with us.  We are devoted as ever, as we are convinced that this is God's will for our life (and Joy's) but we can't help but feel some anticipatory sadness for Joy because no parent likes to see their child in the type of pain that comes from separation from a loved one.

We know that, over time, Joy will view Becky as her Mommy (right now we are calling Becky Momma so as not to bring on one of Joy's feelings of homesickness), she will know me as her Daddy (and hopefully not continue to mistake me for "Uncle" as we have been referring to my twin brother Jim who just left for the airport to head back home), our children (whom she's seen through the wonders of FaceTime) will be her brothers and sisters, and our parents (she's seen all of them too thanks to FaceTime) will become grandma's and grandpa's, but for now how do you reason with a toddler?  Distraction seems to be our best defense (and offense) but it sure would be easier with our home court advantage rather than feeling somewhat trapped in a hotel room thousands of miles away.

I am sorry that this post is taking a less upbeat tone.  I wanted to share some of how we are feeling (mostly a sense of inadequacy right now) to ask that you pray with us and also so we can all rejoice together for each of the victories ahead (right now we take smiles, hugs, and even a little dancing as well as a quiet drifting off to sleep for Joy as the victories of the day -- only The Lord knows what tomorrow will bring).

Please pray for my beautiful and courageous wife, that she may be filled with a spirit of encouragement and peace.  Please pray that I will know how best to be a support and that my natural tendency to need to be busy doing something doesn't cause me to miss precious moments.  Please pray for Joy in this time of transition (upon her now and to come in the future).  Please pray that we will have the wisdom to know if we should continue to keep her separated from all that is familiar until we have had our day in court or if a little time for her at home would be a good thing (right now we are planning to play all the way through).  Please pray for our upcoming court date.  Finally, please continue to pray for our children at home (and Elizabeth who is in the Dominican Republic) - we are missing them dearly.

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quite you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.  Zephaniah 3:17

With love (and Joy),
-Jay and Becky

Day two filled with Joy.....

It looks like I have become the official blogger (this is Jay writing) since Becky takes the larger share of bedtime duty (seems fair).

Our second day with little Joy went well.  She slept through the night (praise The Lord) but was a little heater next to Becky so the A/C got cranked up a couple notches overnight.

Breakfast consisted of eggs, rice, juice, and her current favorite -- banana.  We were smart enough to grab one extra banana to save for later, but not smart enough to grab two (tomorrow for sure).

We spent some time at a little play area just behind the hotel and got a lot of great pictures of Joy's wonderful smile (she's already missing a front tooth at age three so there must be story to go along with that (something else to ask her foster mom next time we talk).

We took a chance and went out shopping to some markets with Joy, uncle Jim, and our friend Malinda.  This seemed to be a fun time for Joy and she was particularly pleased to get a new little toy (a drum that you spin back and forth to make little balls strike the surface and make noise) -- 5 cedis (roughly $2.50) well spent.  We were also able to get some souvenirs for our other children so we can send them home with Jim when he leaves tomorrow (we will be sad to see him go) along with some dirty clothes that I don't think we will be needing.

All your prayers must have helped because the sad times for Joy were shorter today and we (mostly Becky) were able to get her down to sleep with much less wailing than last night (whew! Beck was worried we would get kicked out of the hotel for having a child crying loudly for her Mommy - seems kind of suspicious).

As for tomorrow, who knows what The Lord has in store.  For one thing, since the teaching part of the trip is over for me I don't think I will have to be up as early in the morning (which probably means I will be awake even earlier - maybe a nice jog would be a good start for the day).  There will likely be some time spent in the pool (we don't think Joy has been swimming before) - can we count that as giving her a bath too?

Blessings to you all and that you for the ways you bless us.   To God be the glory in all this!

-Jay and Becky (also on behalf of our sleeping bundle of Joy)

Surreal and yet so real.....

The moment we had been waiting for finally arrived.   Our little girl was brought to us at our hotel by her foster mother and the co-worker of our adoption power of attorney.   We expected them at 3pm but they were delayed in leaving their city and with the 3-4 hour drive were about 2 1/2 hours later (it was hard to find things to occupy our minds during that extra time).   The phone rang and they were here.   Walking hand in hand to meet the newest addition to our family we prayed that the meeting (and separation) wouldn't be too traumatic for her.   We were very pleasantly suprised that she did not shrink away or seem unhappy (at first).  We enjoyed almost two hours of reserved smiles, looking at pictures of her soon to be siblings, and even a little FaceTime chats with the other kids and new auntie.   During dinner time we started to see the sad face appear and the requests for her "Mommy."  Bed time was very hard but Becky performed like a seasoned pro and she is now sound asleep in the middle if the bed (for how long we shall see).

What a gift from God!  The title of the post speaks to the almost unreal (or surreal) feelings we are having coupled with the very real child that just hours ago was a single picture attached to very little information.

Our court date was switched from next Tuesday to Thursday (the 18th) which is the day before we are scheduled to leave the country.

Please continue to pray for us (we are so greatful).  Specifically we'd ask that you pray for the days (and nights) ahead when our beautiful daughter is in our care (that she would experience our love for her, that bonding would begin and grow, and that the absence from her current "family" would not be too painful).  Please also pray that Becky and I are able to get the rest needed - it's been a busy trip so far and reserves are a little low at this point.  Prayers for a successful day in court are a very high priority.  And, finally, please cover our children at home (and Elizabeth on her mission trip in the Dominican Republic) with your prayers as well.

Thank you for joining us on this journey.  There are many miles ahead but your company and support make all the difference.

With love,
-Jay and Becky

The night before......

It's getting late here in Ghana and we both know that our lives will never be the same after tomorrow.  We got confirmation today that we will be meeting our new daughter on Thursday - July 11th, 2013 at approximately 3pm Ghana time (10 am Minnesota time).   How can you really prepare for something like this????   We can't wait to meet her face to face.  We are praying that the initial meeting will not be too scary for her and that trust and initial bonding will come quickly.   We haven't had a toddler in a couple years so we will have to dust off some of the tricks that experienced parents like us are supposed to have --- yeah right!  We would appreciate your continued prayers for this huge event in all of our lives.   We will try to provide an update on how things are going again tomorrow.  Hopefully sleep isn't too hard to come by tonight. 

-Becky and Jay

Finally Here

After 3 flights, 24hours of travel, we are here!!! Hooray!  After settling in we went straight to a good nights sleep.
Today, Jay (and Jim and Malinda) were up early to teach the classes for Africa Partners Medical.  I basically caught up on some much needed sleep (I can never sleep on planes).  Then I joined the crew for the afternoon session.  It was fun to watch Jay teach and to learn right along with the trainees.
After, we came back to finally meet our adoption POA (power of attorney) in person and attempt to plan the next steps.  We have three options for a court date.   The most likely option would be next Tuesday 16th followed by Thursday the 18th (cutting it close since we are heading home on the 19th), but there is still a slim chance that we could get real short notice and have to get to Cape Coast (about a 3 hour drive from Accra) on This Wednesday evening for a court date on Thursday the 11th.
We did get the great news that we will almost certainly get to meet our sweet little girl in person either this Wednesday or Thursday and would get to spend a lot of good time with her.  She has now been described to us as fairly "shy" (Ashley says "we'll teach her not to be shy!!"  Oh boy!  Here I thought we may end up with a quiet Homme :0)) and "cries easily" (she will fit right in with the teenagers around our house!).

Our heads are swimming (part fatigue, part excitement, part uncertainty about how it's all going to play out).  It's so good to know that God is in charge and His will and ways are perfect.

We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers and will post more as we know more.   For now, signing off from Ghana with love.

-Becky and Jay

Hours away!

We are hours away from beginning this journey to Ghana!  I am beginning to relax about the details and let the excitement sink in. My sweet friend keeps reminding me in the midst of all the practical details:  YOU ARE GOING TO GHANA TO MEET YOUR SWEET GIRL AND HOLD HER IN YOUR VERY OWN ARMS!------To which I respond with a HUGE HOOOOOORAY!!!!!!!

 We have been so overwhelmed with and so thankful for the outpouring of love and excitement and support (emotional and very practical) over us from all you wonderful friends and family!  We are so thankful for the community of faith that the Lord has placed us in. Thank you for lifting us up and praying over us as we travel and prepare to meet our little one. And thanks to all you guys who are picking up the pieces for us while we are away (kid care, house stuff, animal care, etc.) God is so good!!!

  My verse this morning for devotions:

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is FAITHFUL."   Hebrews 10:23

Going to Ghana!!

Jay and I are headed to Ghana tomorrow!  HOORAY!!   We do not have a firm court date but Jay is already headed to Ghana for work and it looks like we will have a firm date that would overlap that time there so... we are leaping and praying and no matter what will be meeting out sweet little one very soon!!!  Please pray for safe travel and for everything to come together while we are there so we can officially adopt our girl.  Pray for the crew caring for the rest of our clan while we are away.  And please pray for Elizabeth and her safety while she is in the DR for her ministry trip.  We will update this as regularly as we can.  Thank you for your prayers and support!!! We are so thankful for every one of you!